2 Lessons from an ethically non-monogamous relationship - Sammi Jaeger

Have you ever cheated on a partner? Someone you were in a romantic relationship with?

I have.

Or maybe I have? That kinda depends on your definition of cheating.

And you and I likely have different ideas about what is and isn't considered cheating. 

This week on The Date Forever Podcast, we chatted with Shane. He is a coach who specialises in working with clients who are navigating ADHD. Ohh and he is in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. 

Haven’t heard that term before? 

ENM for those in the know, describes the practice of having more than one sexual partner. The “ethical” part differentiates it from cheating. It’s also sometimes called consensual non-monogamy or more plainly, an open relationship.

Shane and his wife Darcy opened up their relationship a few years after they were married. In the episode, he shared some of his story and lessons with us.

There are 2 main things I took away from this conversation with Shane.

1. There are an infinite amount of ways to do relationships and life.

I’m positive that there isn’t only one relationship blueprint that works. Your parents or in-laws version, your friends or what you’ve seen represented in the media isn’t the only way. My relationship with my husband Nath is ours to design however we please. And if anyone who isn’t Nath has an opinion on that, they ought to ask themselves why they give a fuck? Your relationship is yours to design.

2.  People and relationships change, evolve and grow. 

What served you in year one, may not still be the right fit in year two or ten. Every year Nath and I sit down for a day or two and go through our Annual Game Plan. We review the year that was and the year ahead. Part of that is looking at our Grand Vision - our big ten year plan. Last year it was almost disorentating how much things had changed in a single year. Luckily we both agreed on what should stay and what should go. I can’t encourage you enough to create a practice that helps you get-on and stay-on, the same page.

If you’d like some help getting on the same page, or staying there, we can help you here.

As you go into the weekend, I hope you’ve got some activities planned that will add some Fuel to your tanks.

I’ll be doing a few things to keep on nesting in our apartment and top up my Humming Household tank. We moved in December and I’ve still got unopened boxes so I know that tank needs some Fuel.

Cause I know that when one of my tanks stays on empty for too long, it puts a whole lotta pressure on the other tanks in my life.


Happy Re-Fuelling